Aware
Happy Birthday!
This story was written for the Power up Prompt #13 hosted by Bradley Ramsey.
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Content warnings: Self Harm
The birthday cake is chocolate: a lot of sponge and a little bit of filling. Just how I like it.
Just how I like it?
The lit candles on top form a number. 25.
25?
My wife and the guests are all gathered. The dining room isn’t big, but it’s not a kitchen. The portraits on the walls are a bit crooked.
A bit crooked?
Didn’t I level them just recently? Jen asked me to fix it, and I did. When small changes occur day after day, you don’t notice them. Only perspective brings clarity.
Only perspective brings clarity?
One more year. Happy birthday, me! The song is simple, yet dear to my heart. The wishes follow: health, happiness, and love in that order.
In that order?
Health, happiness, love. Happiness can’t happen without health. If your family is sick, how can you be happy? If you are ill, how can they be happy? But if you have health, you may start striving for happiness.
Start striving for happiness?
What’s with the déjà vu today? I have thought about all these things quite recently in this exact wording. When was it? Feels like it was yesterday or the day before that…
“Make a wish!”
I don’t believe in such things. Plus, I already have everything I want: a wife, friends, and a good job. Wouldn’t it be nicer to have a higher salary? Yes, but I’m moving towards that already. Once I’m there, I’ll be able to find a mandolin teacher and then start saving up for my retirement.
Find a mandolin teacher and then start saving up for my retirement?
Yes, I’ll slice that cake. Mmm, delicious! The cake is moist, not too sweet, and with a hint of alcohol. What is the point of living sober if the cake has ethanol in it?
The cake has ethanol in it?
Some time passes. The party’s over, and I’m alone with Jen. We wash the dishes, play a board game, then get into a car and drive to the movies.
Drive to the movies?
Hordes of mounted warriors, endless green meadows, high mountains, and fast streams are in front of our eyes. Battle cries, clangs of the swords, and sounds of nature delight our ears. The movie is magical, grand, and inventive. Jen holds my hand during the whole thing, and having her close to me elevates the experience even more.
Jen holds my hand during the whole thing?
What’s with the déjà vu today?
We’re back home. The sun is already below the horizon. Jen hits the shower without asking me to join her, just as I remember.
Remember? Yes, it all happened exactly the same way…
I sit on the couch in the living room, recalling today’s events and my thoughts about them. The more I think, the colder runs my blood. The inconsistencies, the feeling that all this has happened before, the surreality of today. In the morning, I attributed it to the fact that it’s my birthday, but now I feel it’s more than that.
Flashes of something appear in my mind. Sounds and smells come and go, even though I’m sure that nothing reached my nostrils. I touch my own skin, trying to understand if it feels real. Pinching myself brings only pain. I stand up, go to the window, and stare at the stars. The glass reflects my image, allowing me to look into my own eyes, and from the blackness between the stars appears the answer.
My heart races, and my hand grips the handle of the window.
The deafening truth rings in my skull over and over. The memory plays out, making me wince in almost physical pain as an SUV crashes into our sedan head-on, showering my body with glittering shards of sharp glass, crushing my bones with mangled steel, and shaking my entrails in their feeble skin pouch.
I must have broken my spine in the car crash! It must be that I can’t move at all right now. The hospitals put such patients in a Live-A-Dream machine, which sends a simulation of a normal life right into the patients’ brains. No need to suffer, watching your family grow old while being unable to interact with them. The simulation allows you to live like nothing happened.
Yet, something went wrong. I’m not supposed to be aware I’m in the simulation. I’m not supposed to remember the accident, or have all these déjà vu. How can I live here in my head, knowing…
Jen!
She was in the car with me! Is she okay? Is she in a hospital bed next to me? Did she die?
I run into the bedroom. There she is, reading a book under the blanket, eyeing me with a surprised expression.
“What’s wrong?”
I rush towards her and sit on the bed. My hands hold her by the shoulders, and the warmth of her body transfers to me. No, it’s a simulation!
I stare into her big, green eyes, trying to remember. What happened to her? Is she alive? Is she alive? Is she also in a simulation because her body is as broken as mine, or do I see a program in front of me?
“Please, Jen, remember!”
“Remember what?”
“The crash! Yesterday, we went to the movies. An SUV plowed through us like our car was made out of paper.”
The concern in these gorgeous eyes gets replaced by laughter.
“Oh, yes, I remember. That movie was great! I wonder if they’ve built real sets or used computer graphics…”
Oh, no…
I feel myself standing up and backing up from the bed. She didn’t react to what I said. The simulation isn’t designed to deal with patients who are aware!
Is she alive?
Wake up!
The words echo in the room, escaping from my lips. My heart is pounding. Jen doesn’t even flinch and keeps on reading.
Is she alive??
WAKE UP!!
I squeeze my head the same way I would squeeze toothpaste out of its tube, hoping to squeeze myself into reality.
Is she alive???
WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!! WAKE UP!!!
I run towards the wall and crush my head against it. The splitting pain makes my vision go dark, and I drop to one knee.
“Jen!”
Seeing double, nauseated, I turn to her, feeling hot blood run down my forehead.
She looks up from her book. “It’s getting late, sweetheart. Come on.” She grabs the corner of the blanket, exposing my half of the bed.
I hyperventilate, unable to break contact with those carefree, green eyes. Fake eyes. Artificial eyes. Eyes that would never see me!
If I can’t be with her, if I can even know what happened, why live? How many people stopped needing the Live-A-Dream machine? None! I’m trapped forever in a place where nothing is real. Where I’m barely real. This is Hell! Hell!
With that, I crush my head into the hardwood floor. And again. And again. And. Again.
I can no longer move. Crushing pain and dread swallow everything. But despite the dark veil in front of my vision, I can still barely see Jen. She closes her book, sees me lying on the floor in a pool of my own blood, and smiles.
“Good night, sweetheart,” says the gentle voice as she flips the switch, and darkness envelops me whole.
The End
Anton Anderson, 2025
Wow, this is fantastic. I really enjoyed reading it.
Wow, this was deeply unsettling in the best way possible. The confusion and uncertainty in the beginning was great for pulling us into the story, but the reveals were also scarier. The ending was very Black Mirror as well. A cautionary tale about technology that promises us eternity.
Great work on this week's prompt, my friend!