Mistress Chicken
It will be delicious
This story was written for Flash Fiction February by Bradley Ramsey.
If you want to read more of my writings, please read my published books: The Seekers: Soul-Ties, Kirin, and Perrin Peters. And if you don’t want to buy my books but still want to support me, I’m on Patreon. And if you prefer one-time payments, you can Buy Me A Pizza or a Coffee.
It was a quiet day on Beefalpha. Lopack was watching a game of space curling via his brain chip. The teams in space suits floated in deep space, pushing big uranium stones towards a holographic projection of a black hole. The closer to the projection their stones stopped, the more points they scored. The attacking team’s task was to stop their stones in time using powerful magnets. The defending team’s task was to push the opposing team’s stones using electron guns.
The game was as boring as rocket launches, and so Lopack was already thinking what breed of beef he wanted for dinner.
“Hear me, people of the planet!”
A sudden outcry in the sound centers of his brain startled him. The game was unceremoniously interrupted by a weird ad. A tall woman in a giant white chicken costume was surrounded by a bunch of similarly clad people.
“I am your goddess now! Never again will you have to dine on beef. Never again will you have to experience its old taste and texture. The age of chicken cometh, and I, your Mistress Chicken, will deliver you straight to this heaven. Behold!”
An anti-gravity table floated closer to her, bearing a big, raw steak of beef on its snow-white surface. As it stopped in front of her, her chicken “hands” started waving above the meat, like she was conjuring a spell out of some child’s book. Her hands moved faster and faster, blurring into a mess of white feathers—
White light blinded the visual centers of Lopack’s brain. He gasped. His pupils dilated, and his breathing stopped, for the piece of red beef in front of Mistress Chicken turned into pink chicken meat!
~*~
The upcoming days were a blur for Lopack. The news spoke about the growing popularity of Mistress Chicken. She performed more miracles in many different venues. She healed deadly illnesses by prescribing chicken soup, solved disputes by divining on chicken bones, and comforted people by letting them pet her chickens.
Her follower count was increasing every day, and Lopack became part of this new movement. The other faiths and religions were resisting fiercely, yet it was all in vain. After all, there was only one person performing miracles and knowing the future, and that person was Mistress Chicken. If nothing were to change, soon, it would be time to rename Beefalpha into Chickenalpha, and the planet would only benefit from it.
Lopack served vehemently, striving to achieve at least a modicum of that greatness. Finally, the foul taste of beef was gone from his mouth, replaced by the wonderful taste of chicken. He attended masses, learned to cook the new meat, to divine on chicken bones, and to understand the language of their saviors. Life was so much better now, and he was finally content, no longer having to watch space curling.
~*~
One day, Lopack was strolling down the corridors of the Chicken Center, thinking about the new findings in chicken DNA. A door labeled FORBIDDEN was not properly closed. They were never allowed inside by the Mistress herself. Curious, Lopez stopped close to it and took off his chicken head to hear better. Nothing. Just the noise of the ventilation system.
Dying to learn more, Lopack slipped inside and locked the door. It was a warehouse of Juice. No one knew why, but Mistress insisted that the whole universe had to drink a can of it at least once per day. Lopack never minded that, for the beverage tasted like a weak chicken broth, meaning that it was delicious. Yet, there was a laptop on the table in the corner, and his curiosity already pulled him towards it.
As he opened the lid and read the text, his knees wobbled, and his hair probably turned gray.
It could not be!
Mistress Chicken used chemistry to turn beef into chicken! Everybody had to drink Juce to slow down possible side effects. Side effects of turning into chickens!
Hyperventilating, Lopack recoiled away from the laptop. Everybody, the entire populated universe was in the Mistress’s power! They would continue to eat her “gift,” and eventually, all would become her pets!
The walls were closing in on him. He scrambled to his chicken feet and ran.
Bam!
Pain pierced his entire body as he collided with someone in the corridor and fell to the floor.
“Who have we here?” Lopack’s hair stood on end, for it was the Mistress herself. “Why aren’t we wearing the chicken head?”
The overgrown chicken of a woman stepped closer, and Lopack sensed his death.
“You shan’t run in the corridors, dear.” The horrifying voice declared, and two more chickens approached from behind her. “Now, how shall we punish you?”
The End
Anton Anderson, 2026
the evil chicken overlords...✨🦋
This was pretty fun to read, love the absurdity of it lol